Category Archives: Vanity Fair.

VANITY FAIR: Welcome Home, Graduate!

Dear [Our Child, the Recent College Graduate],

We can’t tell you how proud we were to see you up on that stage, receiving your diploma! Now that you’ve graduated, you’re in a world filled with so very many wonderful, wonderful opportunities! This world, unfortunately, is reserved for people who graduated before 2005. Naturally, you’ll need to move back home. Read more at VanityFair.com.

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VANITY FAIR: President Johnson Goes to Benihana.

How far Lyndon Baines Johnson had come from that desolate stretch of Texas Hill Country where he spent his boyhood and early manhood, from that hardscrabble life in a clapboard farmhouse on the Pedernales River. He had ascended to the House of Representatives, and then to the Senate, and next to the vice-presidency, and next, next to the presidency; and, then, next, then, then, next, to that rectangular hibachi table of a small restaurant in midtown Manhattan, its grills a sizzling smorgasbord of steak and shrimp and chicken, where the President would be dining. Its name: Benihana. Read more at VanityFair.com.

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VANITY FAIR: Rush Limbaugh Re-apologizes.

On this show last week, you heard me talk about Georgetown law student Sandra Fluke. In the contentious debate over reproductive rights, I may have gone too far: I called her a slut, a prostitute, a whore. And, in the privacy of my own offices, I may have insinuated that I didn’t like her haircut, and that I found her outfit to be more than a little unbecoming. She was appearing in front of Congress, and certainly could have at least Callista Gingrich-ed it up a little—lacquered her hair, spackled on some lips, worn a tasteful necklace, but nothing too expensive. After all, she is in law school, and has to defray the costs of all that progestero—err, tuition. Read more at VanityFair.com.

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VANITY FAIR: It’s a Tree of Wonderful Life.

FADE IN:

EXT. BEDFORD FALLS—CHRISTMAS EVE

Through the expansive darkness, we slowly begin to see A LIGHT. It is a red light. Though perhaps it isn’t a light at all. Or even red. We’re just guessing. It is looming, undulating, vague. What is this light (or non-light)? Is it the universe? Is it a star collapsing in on itself? O.K., if the light is a light, then it’s red, but not quite as red as before, though perhaps redder, and vaguer, and definitely more looming and undulating. Read more at VanityFair.com.

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VANITY FAIR: The Greatest Art Basel Party in the History of Mankind.

On behalf of HSBC Bank, Fiji Water, the Government of Finland, and the Edible Arrangements Corporation of North America, you are cordially invited to the greatest Art Basel Miami Beach party in the history of mankind. Humanity has yet to behold such a truly magnificent party, with a gathering of luminaries, celebrities, socialites, sociables, sociopaths,bons vivants, and hangers-on, the likes of which haven’t convened since the sinking of the Titanic. Read more at VanityFair.com.

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VANITY FAIR: The Odysnooki, a Homeric Recounting of Jersey Shore, Season 4.

Tell us the tale, oh MTV, the tale of your Jersey Shore ,

Of the brave sons, and of the oft-shrieking daughters,

With racks most impressive and spray tans liberally applied.

Leave us no longer in need, oh MTV, a subsidiary corporation of Viacom,

For some mad wicked drama on a slow Thursday night,

As our intelligence down the shitter goes.

Read more at VanityFair.com.

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VANITY FAIR: Super-Secret Bipartisan Pizza Party.

What follows is a transcript of senior-level discussions held late last night in the Roosevelt Room at the White House. President Barack Obama, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV), House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-VA), House Minority LeaderNancy Pelosi (D-CA), House Speaker John Boehner (R-OH), and Secretary of the Treasury Timothy Geithner were among those in attendance. Read more at VanityFair.com.

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